Whether, woman?

By the breath of Tindalos!!! I have just learned that my morning televisionized news programme, Fox News In the Morning, has (some months ago, it seems) fired the exceptional human specimen that is meteorologist Michelle Leigh, and replaced her with an inferior impostor!

A website, www.savemichelleleigh.com has placed the blame for this upon the local Fox executives, but any fool can see that the real machinations leading to her removal can only rest upon the shoulders of one person- airborne traffic reporter Sandra Solarte.

As an avid and regular viewer of this programme, it was not difficult to detect the distaste that Solarte had for Leigh. It is the same jealous distaste that women throughout history have had for others of their sex who were more attractive than them. But how jarring the difference between these two, when the televised screen cut from weather to traffic each morning at 8:15!!!

Leigh: Jovial and pleasant to the eye. Forecasting Chicago's gentle weather with a genial acumen, like Nostradamus' comely granddaughter out of the days of yore.

And then...

Solarte: Hovering and porcine in her autogyro. (Indeed gentlemen, pigs DO fly!) Her iritating voice broadcasting tidings of traffic congestion and death by autocarriage. Her nervous, criminal eyes struggling to peer down over her distended cheeks, scowering the landscape for the next example of human suffering.

And all the while, Solarte envying the capable and attractive Leigh (safe and warm back inside the studio, not careening over chicago in an air-travel crane usually employed to move large sea animals to aquaria)!

The first symptom of love in a young man is timidity; in a girl boldness. The first symptom of hate in a man is boldness; in a girl it is quiet cunning. And it is through such cunning that Solarte has stolen away Leigh from the viewers of Chicagoland.

Harken Ms. Solarte, we are on to your tricks!