Current "conservative" options for First-Lady are completely unacceptable

The image you see represented in this posting is that of former First-Lady Abigail Powers Fillmore, the touchstone of female beauty in these United States since 1853. Current candidates for our nation's highest office should mark her well (though, it must be said, the Daguerrotype is a poor conductor for her noble and powerful visage).

When you have completed the near-sacred act of basking in her reflected patroitic glow, I ask you to turn your attentions (even as it may turn your stomach) to the current nominees for this position, especially on the so-called Republican side of the aisle. One candidate for president (I shall not name him directly) wishes, by his surname to be identified as a Son-Of-Thom. Yet he is also a Husband-Of-Harlot by and through his actions! The wife of Mr. Thompson (Do I name him directly? Very well, I name him directly.) is better suited for the exotic-dancing pole than the inside of the White House, with her "tanned" skin and medically-augmented bosoms!

Consider also the case of Cindy Hensley McCain! This beer-baron's daughter applies "make-up" to her face and prances to-and-fro wearing leg-stockings like a common saloon floozy. These decorative touches may have their place in the barroom and ale-house, but in the Executive Branch of our Government? Johnskyn Kantilever thinks not!

Likewise, Judith Giuliani (already named in such as way as to arouse suspicion of Semitism) comports herself with the painted face and immodest garb of a burlesque! The very idea!

Now look again to Mrs. Fillmore. She is purity. She is resolve. She, she is America.

Women desiring to become First-Lady of these United States would do well to avoid the cosmetics and perfumes of the decadent French, and instead follow the regimen of Mrs. Fillmore herself.

No, the daily ingestion of a full pint of cod's-liver-oil is not easy. Likewise, bi-weekly internal purification via the enema's nozzle has, granted, unpleasant aspects. Yet no unerring look into Abigail's face can leave any doubt that the ends of our great nation justify the means!