Elder (self) abuse

Nature sometimes mingles her effects with sombre appropriateness, as though she desired to make us reflect. The soul of the just contemplates in sleep a mysterious heaven.

It has come to my attention that a recent pall of newspaper reportings seeks to engender the idea of a phenomenon of "elder abuse" existing in our nation. In such light, one question remains for the serious patriot. Just how much of this abuse is self-abuse?

I commend our media, of course, for taking a stalwart (if belated) stand against senior onanism, but I must plead clemency for our mature constituents in this instance. After all, the senior-American is not like you or I! For, lo! The senior-American encounters temptation at every turn!

In the aged, a general increase in flesh relates DIRECTLY to an increased interest in the flesh of others. (And the flesh of onesself!) Dental and maxillofacial implements that can be removed AT WILL present seniors with gaping, toothless seductions toward unnattural lingual acts. The supple, pliable skin of the aged man or woman likewise leads the mind into naught but sinful conjecture as to how this or that fold of flesh might be manipulated.

Heavy lies the crown of the aged-American!

I consider myself lucky (and, on this day of thanksgiving, thankful) to be able to count myself a reanimated-American, with all of the corresponding benefits of a lowered sex drive.