Notes from the recent Kenemore Lecture delivered at the Harrington Community Room at the Brighton Massachusetts Young Man’s Christian Association

August 1: The Wilted Flower of the Renaissance

In a warmer climate the Italianate gene takes on a certain delicacy. But when cooled in the harsh longitude of the American North East, this sublime tenderness cools and congeals into something base, bulbous and vulgar. Yea, separated from his Mediterranean home, the Italian devolves into a form indistinguishable form that of an ogre, including but not limited to a love of gold chains.

August 2: I Do Not Romanticize the Irish

For they are a deplorable race. Intermittently enraged and blubbering, but at all times wholly governed by the passions. But from the vantage of a taxonomist, the potato-ape poses an intriguing paradox. For alone among the passionate races, they are exceedingly short of loin.